• Blow your nose and fart at the dinner table.
• T w e e t  l i k e t h i s o n T w i t t e r s o t h a t i t ' s h a r d t o r e a d .
• When kids are watching cartoons in the doctor's office, change the channel.
• "Accidentally" track mud onto your friend's light-colored carpet.
• Staple papers on the right side instead of the left.
• Go to Wendys and order a Quarter Pounder with Cheese happy meal.
• Interrupt people when they're talking to you. Do this frequently.
• Ask a fat woman if she's pregnant. Be sure to look real serious and interested.
• Type in all caps in forums and blogs... and on Twitter. People love this.
• When they say, "Mind if I smoke?", say, "Mind if I fart?"
• Make important appointments for September 31st.
• Wear cheap cologne. Be sure to put LOTS on.
• Blow out other people's birthday candles.
• Pee in the swimming people and tell everyone it feels warm where you're standing.
• Be sure your hand is totally limp when you shake hands with someone else.
• Walk within 6 inches of the person in front of you.
• Continually flirt with your best friend's girlfriend.
• Keep telling jokes over and over that aren't funny.
• Tell your teenagers that you walked 10 miles to school everday in the snow.
• Run your fingernails down a blackboard. When they ask you to stop, keep doing it.
• Tell the worst joke you can think of and then explain the punchline.
• Go into an expensive model home and put a fake dog turd on the carpet.
• Keep your brights on the whole time even with cars coming at you.
• Continuously click your pen while someone's trying to talk to you.
• Walk up to someone, slap them in the face and then take off running.
  

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